With an illustrious dating app career of 6 years (on and off) to my name, here’s my advice for cracking the code and finding your groove in the jungle that is online dating.
BUT IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE THIS WAY…
Learn more about yourself
Gain an insight into the kind of person you want to be with
Gain an insight into the kind of person you don’t want to be with
Hone the art of conversation
Become more confident in selling yourself
Have a grand old time
The below summarises why dating can be one of the most exciting projects you embark on:
Talking to a stranger allows you to be the newest version of yourself.— We’re Not Really Strangers (@wnrstweets) March 10, 2020
When you approach dating with the above in mind, the whole experience becomes much less daunting and more…playful.
1. IT’S NOT YOU, IT’S ME
Questions to ask yourself before crafting your profile:
- What is my story? Consult friends if required. The more dates I went on, I discovered there were 3-5 elements of ‘my story’ that would repeatedly come up in conversation, so these went on my profile.
- Who is the kind of person I’m looking to date? What are their values and how do they spend their time?
- Which of my traits would be of value to the kind of person I want to date?
FOR A DEEPER DIVE INTO SELF DISCOVERY…
2. TAKE A CHANCE ON ME OR THANK U NEXT?
How did you spend your evening?
3. CONTROL THE CONTROLLABLE
The location: somewhere that’s not too out of your way (somewhere public and where you feel safe, obv).
Your expectations: this is another tricky matter, because of course you want to approach things with an open mindset, but when we put too much pressure on a date, we risk underwhelm and resentment for both parties. So, wear something that makes you feel glowy and confident, but don’t go buying a whole new fit. Don’t cancel existing plans to meet them. Do what it takes to remind yourself that there are plenty more matches waiting for you if this isn’t the one.
Your after-date plans: This is one of my favourite dating tips ever. Plan something nice to do afterwards. Run a bath, see a friend, pick up your favourite takeaway. It’s a comfort to know that regardless of the outcome of your date, you are still in control of your happiness.
So..what are you waiting for? Go forth and get matching! You future self is waiting to thank you on the other side…
RESOURCES & FURTHER READING:
- Sex With Emily Podcast – listen to any of her episodes on dating.
- Shan Boody – Read The Game of Desire!
- The three part dating series by the Bobo & Flex podcast. Listen to part 1 here.
- ‘How To Do Online Dating’ episode of the podcast ‘Nobody Panic’. Spotify link / Apple Podcasts link.
- Episode 112 of the podcast ‘Help Me Be Me’ on Dating Anxiety. Spotify link / Apple Podcasts link.